Study your mate

The chapter ends with this verse "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all the precious and pleasant riches (Proverbs 24:3-4)

Wisdom is knowing your spouse and them feeling free to trust you and open up to you. Do you know the dreams of your spouse? Robb and I just put together our list of 100 things we want to do in our lifetime. It's not really a bucket list but it's a goal list so we can set our minds to achieve so much together. Wisdom for us was realizing what was important to the other person and working towards achieving these goals for each other.

Understanding comes from listening. Not half hearted listening while playing a game on Facebook but truly listening to what your spouse is saying. Are they happy? Do they feel your love in the way they want to be loved? Are you setting your goals to ensure their happiness?

Knowledge comes from wisdom and understanding. God will help you discern what you should do through prayer but you can pray specifically from the knowledge you gleaned from your wisdom and understanding. And then you can fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide.

Study your spouse, I bet they will still surprise you with their goals, dreams and needs for a house that is filled with love!

Love Promotes Intimacy

This morning the line that hit me from the chapter says this from Revelation 3:20, "If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." Jesus doesn't care what you have done in the past, if you open the door He will dine with you. He doesn't keep score, He doesn't say well that was one but you sinned a million times you better get cooking. He just lovingly sits down and shares a meal with you.

I was thinking about how this week at one point during the week we were comparing how much we spent on going to see each other's family and sending gifts etc. It was not a nice conversation and fraught with the frustration of materializing the Christmas season. Was this a safe conversation to be having with my husband? Did it build anyone up in the process of the conversation? At the end of the conversation did anyone feel better? The answer to all these questions is No. We didn't open the door and sit down understanding that above all else, we are relationship people who will spare nothing to be together with family. We had to set aside our frustrations and realize that the reason for Christmas isn't the presents or the money spent. It's the laughter and joy for each and everyone one of us.

In the end, I spent the day baking cookies with love in my heart and every child got cookies on my husband's side. It was the best present for each of them to have and they loved it. One dozen Christmas cookies, filled with love of the season. My husband and I sharing our love with children and not breaking the bank. In the end we felt safe with each other and upheld our no debt Christmas season. So we open the door and sat together to devise a plan without flinging our frustrations at each other. That's what God does too, He sits and eats with you never talking about the sins you committed only finding solutions that uphold a Christlike existence.

How do you spend your time with your spouse? Are you upholding Christ and finding solutions that make your home safe? How can you start this process in your life?

A Praying Wife

Wow, don't you just love when God hits you between the eyes and says "Daughter, seriously?" This morning he did that. Yep, I was reading The Love Dare and at the end of the chapter they used a verse that I repeated to myself for years. "Ask and it will be given to you, Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door will be open to you." I used that verse for prayers for a long time. Then I stopped. I don't know why, it wasn't some great event that made me stop, I just stopped. And this morning God said, "Daughter, seriously get back on your knees and pray." So that's what I'm doing. Praying for my heart, my husbands heart and the growth of our hearts together.

I know most of you think this book is for marriages that are in "trouble" but my theory is I never want my marriage to be in that state. I want to go on madly loving my husband for the rest of my days and I believe this is preventive medicine for us. I don't read everyday but most days it takes about 5 minutes to set my heart straight and get it focused on God and my husband. I love that. So this morning I pray, asking God, seeking God and watching the doors open for us as a couple.

You know what to pray for your husband better than anyone else, besides your husband. Ask God, it is truly remarkable what He can do with a question or request.

Much love and Merry Christmas!

Love Cherishes

Today's Dare is to cherish the one you love. When things get a little tough, how do you cherish the one you love. This was a great devotional to read upon returning from Thanksgiving. However, for some reason instead of thinking about how thankful I am for the blessings from God, I thought about all the selfish things in my mind. It was a trying Thanksgiving and I kept blaming all my feelings on other people but in reality it was my not cherishing the relationships around me that made me angry. I needed to cherish the family surrounding me and the joys that will be involved in living life. I need to cherish my husband more, in that when he asks something of me I do it graciously and lovingly instead of with a heart that is full of malice. Today I'm thinking about ways to cherish loved ones. To understand that sometimes everyone needs a pick me up and that in doing so I support their lifestyles whether they are the same as mine or not.

For my husband, I will love and cherish him the rest of my life. He is the best thing that has happened to me and I'm so very grateful for his love, patience and understanding everyday. Especially when I'm a little nutso...So today treat your husband like your most prized item, shower him with love, show him in little ways how wonderful life is together for in this is the prize of a lifetime!

Love makes good impressions

Let's play a little game....when you haven't seen your mom for a few weeks, how do you greet her? When you haven't seen a friend for a while, what is your initial greeting for them? Do you remember your smile? The hug? The excitement and laughter? How about your children? Do you remember how your children/nieces/nephews ran up to you when they haven't seen you to greet you? Do you remember how they would continue to do that over and over even after a minute? Do you remember how when you came home from a bad day at the office, they ran and hugged you fiercely because they missed you?

Now let's think about how we greet our spouse. The person we are spending eternity with, are you as exuberant with your greeting? Does a smile the size of your face occur when you see them? Do you think they can hear your excitement over the phone just in seeing their number pop up?

Think about how you start your day with your spouse. Is it a to do list or is it laughter? Do you serve them or are you a grump? Have you put aside your own needs to ensure their day will run smoothly? Can you imagine how much better life would be if you started everyday with a smile, a giggle and a hug?

Try it today, hug your spouse in the morning, smile when they call and greet them exuberantly when you arrive home today!

Love is not Irritable - Day 6, times 2

Love isn't prideful, lustful, irritable. Love doesn't get angry for anger is selfish. Love doesn't focus on possession or greed, lust for another's objects or person. Love encourages, forgives, appreciates and is slow to anger. We have learned that anger can come from many avenues, tiredness, selfishness, worry, guilt. We have also learned that all of these can be alleviated through prayer. Venting vertically we call it. When you do something wrong, tell God, let the guilt and worry about it roll off your shoulders so God can catch it and make it better. Build each other up, whether friends, coworkers or spouses. Take the moments to say what has been so for you and build each other up to create loving relationships.

Love does for others not because they get something. Love just does things to create a life for others that is increasing good. Love wants the best for those around them and will help others achieve their best. Love takes the talents God has given them and uses them to benefit others. Love tells others what is good and righteous about them, what they grow from learning from others. Love is what makes this world go around.

Love isn't irritable, take a moment and create some margin in your life. Spend a Day Alone With God and get right. Then share this love with others and enjoy the joy that surrounds you.

Love is Thoughtful - Day 4 2nd time around

Thoughts - they manipulate the mind, they turn us for or against something, we become our thoughts. Remember when you and your spouse first met, you didn't know much but there was a mutual attraction for each other. You thought about him/her all the time. Your thoughts overtook every part of your life. They were on your mind always and then you got married or serious and you saw parts of them that irritated or annoyed you. I bet they saw the same in you too. This is the destructive part of the relationship, if you allow your thoughts to focus on the annoying stuff, you will become negative towards your relationship. Now if you think about your meeting, you will remember and think positive about your relationship.

Do you remember the first time you laid eyes on your spouse? I do, I was crazy and flew to Vegas to meet him. I had friends come with me but I flew here and came to his house. (which I had given the address to many people, just in case he was a crazy man) I remember seeing his eyes the first time and my heart fluttering. I remember his smile as he leaned on the wall at the doorway into the kitchen. I remember that first kiss and the first I love you. I remember the laughter we shared. These are the thoughts I like to fill my mind with, not the things he didn't do or didn't do correctly (according to me).

Take a moment and remember your first month of dating, and how you felt. Remember that you would do anything for that man/woman of yours. You would call in the middle of the day just to see what they were doing and if you could help them out. Well, today is the day to start that again. Contact your spouse and let them know you are thinking about them and wondering how their day is going. Ask if there is something you can do for them to make their day better. Let them know they are in your thoughts and prayers as they go through life. This is so very important to our spouses and for you too. Let me know how it goes!

Kindness - Day 2 ~ Selfishness - Day 3

Day 2 was about doing a kind gesture for your spouse. Not for the sake of saying See I did this for you, but for the sake of showing them kindness and compassion. We live in a world where we are told, don't do that for your spouse, they will take advantage of you. I say are you kidding. I want my husband to know that I love him. I want my husband to know that I intend to be kind to him always. Why wouldn't I cook for him, clean for him, do laundry for him, iron for him, etc...you get my drift. What makes it so hard for people to understand that my doing things for my husband isn't degrading or demoralizing, it's blessing him which blesses me when I see a smile on his face and joy in his walk.

With over 50% of American couples getting divorced, I'm thinking something has to change. Tell me what have you done today to demonstrate kindness and selflessness to your spouse. What have you done today to enjoy the life God has given you by giving to another? Today I ironed. It was the one thing I could do for my spouse alone. Only he will wear the shirt I ironed. Only he will benefit from my gesture. No one else will get the joy of putting on a clean, ironed shirt and feel my love. That is what I did today as my gesture of kindness. It doesn't have to be grandeous, it doesn't have to be out of the ordinary, it just has to have you thinking about them in the process of doing it.

Be Kind and Selfless Today!

Love Dare Day 1 - second time around

So this morning I awoke and started my daily plan. In my morning daze, I grabbed the laundry basket and headed downstairs to do my morning routine. This morning though I got to the washer and it was still full from yesterday. When I opened the dryer to switch the laundry over it was still full from two days ago. My anger started to bubble up to the top. I thought really, I work all day and am trying to maintain a household, keeping up with the laundry and all I ask my husband to do is to pull it out and put it on the bed. Can I not get any help with keeping this household up?

Then today's message - PATIENCE. Love is patient is the title. Ephesians's 4:2 ~ Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Wow, God was working today. There was a line that just struck my heart. Anger is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness or evil motives. Did you feel it hit me? It felt like an earthquake, after my thoughts above. Now I'm thinking, really Karen, is this important. Are you truly going to get mad at your husband over your inane desire to keep everything super clean and super organized? This seems like a you thing not a we thing and at the end of the day what really matters. So by keeping silent, keeping an open heart and being gently reminded by our Lord, I'm able to put this aside and move on with my day.

Love is patient!!! Strive to be patient today in every relationship because at the end of the day that's what God does for us. He is patient with our faults, sins and disrespect and He Love Us!

Mentorship

Christian mentorship, friend mentorship, professional mentorship, pastoral mentorship - however you can get mentorship it is good for your relationship. The best thing for any relationship is to watch, listen and learn from those who have it together. If you want to be the best golfer, you watch Tiger Woods. If you want to be the best chef, you watch Julia Childs. If you want a great marriage, you watch those with a great marriage. I like to look at those in the church because if someone has a Godly marriage, then they are doing something right in this world. I want some of that. So my prayer this day is that I will find a great small group for my husband and I to attend, where they are successful in life and in their marriages, where they put God first and they are in joy and peace with their lives. Where their drive and determination aren't only for business, it's also for their marriage. Where God is first, Spouse is second and Self is third. I pray God will bring this small group to our doorstep and we will grow in community and life with them. What about you? Who are you mentoring? Who are you listening to to guide your marriage? Is it a friend and are they giving good Christian advice or is it a friend who wants you to party with them? Think about who is giving the advice before you listen with your whole heart.

World vs. Christ

Today we are looking at what we praise our spouse for accomplishing. Is it for getting a promotion at work? For cleaning the house? For helping the kids get good grades? What does God say we should praise our spouses for...in today's journey we learn that God rejoices in the truth. God praises the truth. Who's truth you may ask? Well, it's God's truth and for us that means the bible. Living and leaning on the bible daily will help you to understand God's truth and when you see your spouse exhibiting God's truth, that is praiseworthy. This is where you should heap on praises and thanksgiving. So when my husband prays tonight over dinner, I may mention that it pleases God and me to see that. When my husband helps with the dishes, I may mention that it pleases God to see him serve. When my husband works hard, I may mention that is good. Really doing God's work is the most pleasing for us to see in each other. It brings a smile to our faces and God shines a light on us. I pray for a day that God's light shines on me continually. That I may honor God in everything I do and if someone notices okay but I know that God will notice. His notice is the most important.

Praise your spouse for everything but save your heartiest praise for their works in God.

The Act of Romance

So today's dare is easy if you are married, hard if you are in a relationship. It's about intimacy with your spouse. When you are dating, it's all you think about. Intimacy with your spouse and how you are looking forward to it. You spend your whole dating time saying no to that feeling and emotion. Then you get married, and you are to be intimate immediately. You are to turn off that no and just do it. It's the hardest thing. What you have been controlling you let become uncontrolled. What you are saying no to is all of sudden a yes. If you are just getting married, my advise just let it happen when it happens. There isn't a need to have it right away and it messes with your mind. God will take care of it. Now if you've been married, had an intimate relationship and it's fallen apart. This is difficult too. God is working on your heart with the Love Dare. He is taking you through all the steps again to enjoy your marriage but this is the ultimate in giving to your spouse. Because in the act of intimacy you are giving your heart and trusting again. It is definitely difficult but when you have this trust again, it's the best. The Dare verse is 1 Corinthians 7:3 "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband." Duty isn't just the act it's everything leading up to the act, it's a clean bedroom, it's candles, it's flowers, it's listening, it's communicating, it's touching and loving. When all this is occurring in a relationship, intimacy is sure to follow. May God Bless your relationship today.

Leaving and Cleaving

This was a great read today. Leaving and Cleaving. When you are younger the leaving involves family and creating a new family with your husband. However, when you are older it also involves friends and family. I needed to break the ties with friends, family and work to ensure my relationship with my husband is the highest held relationship in my earthly world. He is the most important part of my life given to me by God. Robb and I became one life and together with God on our side we will be one. I will cleave to him and he to me. Some don't understand that leaving doesn't mean I'm never going to talk to you again. It means that I'll listen and understand but ultimately if it affects my life with my husband then I may not be able to do it like I used to. For instance, going out with just the girls. I will go to hang with the girls at someones house, baking Christmas cookies or watching a chick flick, however, I won't go bar hopping and dancing into the wee hours of the night. That would be disrespectful to my husband. I know some will say that's boring but my life with Robb is anything but boring. I love him and the commitment we made together. It worth giving up everything I used to be to be with him forever! Are you prepared to leave your old life behind? Changing how you interact with others to ensure your marriage is one, first and foremost in your mind always?

Fireproof

As I am watching my friends go through a divorce, I am reminded about the decision to love. I am reminded that even in the hard time we need to stick together. I am reminded how much I love my husband. I am reminded that God will send angels to protect us from our own minds. I have many favorite songs from the movie however this one Love is not a Fight really hit home with me. Listen to the lyrics and make the commitment to shut the door and throw away the key. Love is not a fight but it's worth fighting for...definitely!!! I'm so sad for my friends and I don't know what to do. I want them to be happy but I also want them to fight for their love. I want them to Dare each other to Love like never before. I want to Dare you to Love like you haven't before. Ask questions, listen and pray for each other. Love is a decision, commitment, a covenant and then an emotion...remember that always! Amazing things happen when we let God do His thing with our Love.

Serving

Wow, God is really chatting with me today. Everything I read is about serving and all I want to do is be served. Isn't that interesting? The Love Dare today is to search for ways to ask your spouse How can I help you? The Purpose Driven Daily Devotional is serving God instead of serving yourself. This morning I got mad at my Dear Husband (DH) when he told me to file with my insurance for the claim for the tire blow out that happened on his car while I was driving it for work. I was complaining about how my employer doesn't want to cover the accident because they said I saw the video that stated we shouldn't use personal vehicles for company use. He shrugged his shoulders and said since I was driving I should turn it into my insurance. What happened to serving your wife? What happened to it's your vehicle and the tire YOU didn't change? What happened to.....then the devotional, then the Dare, then PRAYER...Lord, help me to change my heart to a serving heart that will figure all this out. Lord, help me to change my heart to understand serving more. I guess our Lord was really talking with me today. When you think you have served enough, serve again, it is never enough to continue to serve. It is never enough service to those you love. And God never stops serving us.

Encouragement

Isaiah 35:3 "Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way."
1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
1 Thessalonians 5:14 "And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone."

These are the verses from today's Love Dare chapter. Encourage, encourage, encourage. Doesn't it feel good when someone tells you that you were instrumental in their life? Doesn't it feel good when your boss says good job? Don't you want your husband to feel that from you? I do. I want R to feel like he's the best, most wonderful person in the world! I want him to feel like I love him no matter what. Does this mean I never get mad at him? Heck no, I get mad but even in my madness I want him to know that I love and respect him for how wonderful he is at other times. Today tell your husband something you love and respect about them and see them perk up. If we are always trying to change our husbands then why did we marry them, as a project. You feel in love with something about your husband, go and tell them what that something is and remind yourself of the greatness that is in your life!

You can also do this with your mom, dad, brother, sister, wife, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, boss, friend, co-worker. All of these people are blessings in your life and need encouragement too. The bible says to be an encourager...God gave each of us skills to bring our best into this world. Let's work on letting everyone know that you notice their blessings and they are doing a great job!

God bless!

Random Thoughts

Yesterday at church we had Tommy from Hillside Church in TX talking about prayer. It was very interesting to hear him talk about how to pray and speak with our Creator. But the part that hit me the most was when he talked about the part in the Lord's prayer Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done. He was talking about how God wants to reach every person on this planet and that when we pray that we are opening ourselves up as His vessel to use. Then he said something that stuck with me. He said that this church will explode with people and that is God's will being done here on earth. I have been one of those Christians who said I would never attend a big church. If my church got too big then I would have to leave. But my thinking has changed from this one sermon. Really a growing and large church is a sign that God's work is being done here on earth. It's a sign that we are being vessels for God's work and He is using us. Praise God for that and for all that we are and do with Jesus. So now when I pray the Lord's Prayer, I'm ready. I'm ready to be that vessel for Him to use to create Heaven on earth.

May the Lord bless your day today!

The Love Dare - Day 18

Last night we had a great, special evening. My DH and I had a delicious meal with candlelight. When I set the table, I used the turtle candles, he gave me last year. They are to represent prosperity with green candles. We ate our vegetarian meal via candlelight and enjoyed each others company. When we finished, we headed out to see the fireworks. It was enjoyable to people watch together and to know we are on the same page commenting about parenting and children. The fireworks were right above us, debris was falling on us and we were laughing like little kids. We had a grand time. I'm glad the Love Dare gave me the idea of the special evening and I'm glad it feel on July 4th (grin). I'm so very thankful for a DH that I can laugh with and enjoy life with daily!

Testimonial

So I've been avoiding this step in the Pathway to Purpose. You may have noticed a lag in time from posts. It's called procrastination and I had it big time. The next step is to write your testimonial. If you have ever tried to do this, it's definitely difficult. You have to look back on your life and figure out what happened, what changed to make you new again. But then you look at life and figure out where you stumbled and stumbled yet again. For someone like me, a laid back perfectionist, this is difficult. I don't like stumbling, however, I don't think anyone does. I don't like failing again I don't think anyone does but I do like being saved. I do like my Friend, my Comforter, my Healer, MY GOD. So He likes to use parables and stories to teach the bible. I think this is why so many encourage us to write our testimonials down. Your story could be used for the betterment (is that a word) of the Christian community as a whole. So no matter how hard it is, it's time to write down your testimonial. It's time to get it on paper so that you may use it to further the Kingdom in the future. It's time so share your life, go deep and get deeper with it. It's your story of how God became real to you and what he has done afterwards. Try it on for size and let me know how it goes.

Here's my testimonial (warning: this is a long one)

I was raised in a traditional family, mom, dad, brother, sister and me. We ate dinner together every night, we went to the small Episcopalian church in the next town, mom was a school teacher and dad was an accountant. We were the standard, suburianian, middle class family. Everyone in our family was expected to go to college, graduate with a degree and head off to get a great job. Well, I broke that mold. I went to college and thus started my partying degree. I was introduced to Tequila within the first evening of being at school and went a little crazy. Needless to say, I paid the price for this the next day and was introduced to my roommate over getting sick in the trash can. Nice huh? The next three years were pretty much a blur of activity. I partied, pledged a sorority (which I deemed the wrong sorority within a few minutes of being a member), failed at my classes, did everything you weren't supposed to do and finally got kicked out. I will never forget telling my parents that I failed. My mother was beside herself. Her words were "You will never make anything of yourself without a college degree." Those words stuck with me for life and are still affecting my life. Whenever I fail, these words come back to haunt me. Anyways, I moved out and found out that life outside of mom and dad's home was hard. I could barely make ends meet because I didn't have the courage to go after what I truly wanted to do. I sat at the VFW bar many times over crying in my cheap beer. Continuing to be a disappointment to my family.

Then I met Ed. I was set up on a blind date and he was my ticket out. Out of Ohio, away from my parents and into a life that I could create. He lived in Indiana and I moved in with him three months after we met. We were married a year later and spent the next 10 years of my life living with someone I didn't love. After the first three years, we were done, we had purchased a home, worked good jobs, had stuff, two cars and life was meaningless. We tried moving across the country, changing careers, moving closer to family, trying to enjoy life but it all seemed meaningless. The cheating started and finally we both couldn't take it anymore and decided we would be better off separate. 10 years of my life and still those words come back...You will never make something of yourself. Truly, we must always be conscious of the words we speak. I try to think of Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. But I digress. I felt like a failure yet again and turned to the only thing I did well, I drank. I spent thousands of dollars and countless hours racking up bills at bars across the nation. My tolerance level was so high nothing would make me drunk anymore. I couldn't find anything that would make me forget what a failure I was...I slept with people, drank tons, racked up debt and somehow managed to keep my job and stay away from drugs. I believe God was with me during this time too. During one of these drunk escapades, a person I met at the bar told me about this church he attends. He said come with me tomorrow. I promised so I did.

Enter Evergreen Community Church. I met my friend Bob there on a Sunday morning. We walked into a middle school auditorium and I was greeted with a big white grand piano on the stage playing At the Car Wash. I will never forget it. The music, the sheer amount of people, the songs, the laughter, the peaceful feeling. I don't know what the message was but I know that the Holy Spirit started to get a hold of my heart that day. I went every Sunday for about six months before God really go a hold of me. I was living two lives, the drinking and cavorting life 6 days a week and the holy, godly life 1 day a week. On Sundays, I wouldn't drink once I started going to church. I would go to the bar, order coffee and just socialize. That was the beginning of the change in me. Then October 28, 2002, I woke up with the feeling like I couldn't breathe, with the feeling like I was living wrong, with a sick feeling not from drinking but in my soul. That was the day I really heard the message at Evergreen. That was the day I was saved. God changed my heart and my life. I stopped excessive drinking and smoking on that day and never turned back to it. I started to really live my life for God, with him at the helm. And truly my life started.

Since that day, God has worked amazing things in my life. He has shown me that He is the sole leader of everything I do. All I have to do is ask and the door will be opened for me. He has shown me love and used everything I went through for His glory. I joined a group called Tapestry, it was for women going through divorce or separation. From this group I was able to rid myself of my guilt over my divorce and turn it into something good helping children get through divorce (DC4K leader). I participated in many bible studies to learn about my God and how gracious and forgiving He can be. Each of these studies have shed another layer of my hurt, guilt and sadness away. He showed me that giving is better than receiving and that living a simple life is a great way to be successful. He taught me how to be a good steward of the blessings he has bestowed upon me. When I was saved, I was 60K in debt. Currently I have reduced that to 20K and will be debt free soon enough. He has shown me that growing and giving away my heart is the way to being a good steward of love and he has given me the love of my life here on earth with Robb. He has shown me that commitment is hard but worth it every time. And most of all He has shown me that I am somebody even without a college degree. Those words still come back to haunt me from time to time, but I now know that I can turn to God and feel His loving arms around me, comforting me and holding me.

I am truly amazed by God and all He gives me each and everyday. I thank Him for the blessings and the love. He has brought my family back to me, gave me a new life and washed me clean to start over again. He is the most amazing friend I have ever had and will ever have. I'm so very thankful that He brought me into His family and adopted this crazy, stained person as His daughter.

The Love Dare - Day 16

Prayer...the most powerful tool to keep our marriages intact is prayer. When we are at wits end who should we turn to - God. Who do we normally turn to - friends, family. So today's dare is to pray for your spouses heart. If they aren't believers, pray that God will soften their hearts. If they are believers, pray that God will impose His will on them. By the way, this doesn't mean your will, it means His will. If you want to change something about your spouse, remember you can't nag it away but you can turn to God and ask that He change their hearts, souls, minds, moods, etc. God will do what He wants with each of our lives however it is our responsibility to pray for our spouse.

Here's the other thing, I find that praying with my spouse is easy. I seem to find the time for that however, I don't really spend time alone with God praying for my spouse. Only when he has something big happening; a meeting, presentation, trip etc. So today, I will pray for my spouse. I will pray for God to grab a hold of his heart and make it how He wants it. I pray for Gods will to be seen, heard and followed by my husband. And I pray that God will always be the third strand in our marriage, just as we said in our wedding vows.

What is the most important thing you can do for your spouse? PRAYER!

Leave Your Past Behind Part 2

Okay, we have written about our past and the negative thinking...we have given ourselves one day to wallow in the immensity of our sadness and grief. You may need another day or two but I think I'm done...and now it's time to give it all over to God.

Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to rid myself of these negative thoughts. Please help me to understand that I am a masterpiece created by you and for you. That everything that has happened to me has happened with your great and powerful hand covering it knowing that you alone can pull me out of these negative thoughts. Knowing that you alone, can bring me to your peace and guidance. Lord, whenever these thoughts come back into my head, and I know they will over and over, please help me to realize that I just need to turn them over to you and you will wash them away until I fully believe they are gone. Lord, help me to know your purpose for my life and follow your guidance with all I have, am and will be.

Our next step to leaving the past behind is to recall a time that healing occurred in your life. When I think about this I think about how God blessed me over and over with kind and thoughtful people when I was going through my divorce. From the time I set foot in Evergreen Community Church, I found a support group that would be there for me always. I know, even 8 years later, that I could call upon any of the women in my DivorceCare group and they would set down their work to listen to me. God used everyone from this group to heal the wounds of my divorce and to show me that it was that hardship that caused me to gain my life back. So Kathy, Faye, Rachael, Cindy and Dawn, thank you for your support and letting God use you to guide me back into LIFE. With this group of women I was able to listen, learn, laugh, love and enjoy again. They taught me that I am a masterpiece of God's creation and no matter what happened in the past, this is the future He planned for me. In this group I gained my life verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29. 11. This was my time of healing.

What was your time of healing? What helped to guide you along your path to God? What did it feel like?

The Love Dare - Day 14

I think I have to write these dares the day after they are taking place so I can record what happened. The chapter is titled Love Takes Delight. Remember when you first started dating how you couldn't wait for an email, text or call from your spouse. Remember how your heart thudded in your chest, your smile took over your face and you may even have blushed a little when you were talking. That is how delight shows up in the beginning. After a few years, that delight tends to fall by the wayside and life starts happening. You get into schedules, have stress and want to maintain a great life so you nag. Today was about putting all that aside and doing something your spouse wants to do. You are going to start the process of regaining the delight in your spouse by putting their wants first and setting aside something you want. The goal is to purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do to spend quality time wiht your spouse. Just be together.

So I know this sounds dumb but it worked for us. I do the cooking and my DH does the cleaning up. Yesterday he had just arrived home from a three day business trip and wanted to just sit on the couch together after breakfast. So instead of worrying about the dishes going in the dishwasher or the laundry or the workout. We sat on the couch for 45 minutes, sometimes talking, sometimes being still but holding hands, cuddling. It was phenomenal. The dishes got put away, the workout was completed but not until we had taken the time to just "be" together. That is one the of the greatest things about my husband, I can just "be" with him!

Go ahead, take delight in the one you love and you will be blessed!

Unpacking the Past - Write down memories

Starting with a prayer ~

Lord, help to remember the pain in a way that is useful to others and not derrogatory to anyone involved. Lord, help me to remember that everything was done out of love and encouragement not evil in anyway. Lord, give me words to descibe my feelings in a way that is kind and generous.

Okay, unpacking the past part 2...the mission is to write about your pain. There are things in your past that have thrown you off course these are the things we need to unpack, they may be painful or prideful. They are anything you recall that has negative connotations and you replay in your mind.

For me, there are a few moments in my history that come to mind and are replayed in my head, time and time again. As I graduated from high school, I was so glad to be done with school but didn't have the courage to let my parents know that I didn't want to go to college. So I went. To this day I regret not standing up for myself and it shows in so many parts of my life. I don't like to study, I don't like to be told what to do, I don't like doing something that seems inane when I really want to make a difference. So school isn't my forte, however, I found myself at college trying to figure out life. Three years of school had me figure out how to deal with hangovers, how to just get by on my grades to stay there and how to sleep with no regard to time. When my final report card came in stating that I would have to attend summer school to stay in school, my mother went crazy. She was crying and so upset but here are the words that I will never forget..."You will never make anything of yourself without a college degree." These 11 words play back for me over and over again everytime I make a decision that doesn't go as planned.

The second moment in my life that I play is that moment when I found out my husband of 5 years cheated on me. I was at the computer, back when they were new, and an IM popped up from his girlfriend. When I told her who I was, she emitted shock and sorrow. We planned to "get" my husband but in the end I couldn't trap him that way and we had a conversation. He promised never again but 5 years later, same old story. This was a sad day for me and I found that I was second fiddle in his life. Trust went out the window and I thought why am I so guilable and stupid. I'm an idiot to think he would change. This was one of the lowest moments in my life because I had made a decision and trusted and this was the result...not good.

So now the thoughts going through my mind were I won't make anything of myself and I make stupid decisions. I told myself this over and over during my drunken escapades over the next two years. I spend a ton of money and time in a bar, made "friends" there and used my body as a weapon in many cases. I made crazy, stupid mistakes, over and over and over again. With the negative thoughts going through my head, I ended up alone, with chest pains and bill collectors calling me. It was the lowest point in my life and all I could think about was my mother was right, I will amount to nothing.

Then I found Evergreen, God and my life changed. I was able to find someone who will always be there for me and who will always love me. I didn't have to finish college, be out of debt or make all the right choices, my God was there no matter what, it's a promise...He says, "I will never leave or forsake you." He will forgive and forget everything. He will wash away all I have done and start me with a clean slate. Now I just need for Him to take away these negative thoughts that pervade my mind and help me to achieve the pathway to purpose he has set out for me to follow.

What about you? What negative thoughts do you need to set free and give to God? How many times have you done this and how many more are you willing to do it so you can achieve God's glory through your life?

The Love Dare - Day 13

It's about fighting and fighting fair. When I got married, we were in the throws of love and excitement. We had a beautiful wedding with family and our closest friends. We enjoyed laughter and love and then we came home. Some say that financial discord in a marriage is the 2nd leading cause to a break up. Well, two weeks after we were settling into life in Minnapolis, that bomb went off. My company announced layoffs. Yes, we were still in the honeymoon stage and money became a top priority for us. We didn't really fight about money but it was a tension that was overriding everything else in our lives. That caused us to fight about the dumb things, the toilet seat, cleaning up after yourself, leaving on lights, how far did you drive the car,etc....Were we fighting fair? Not really because we didn't set the ground rules for fighting and we didn't discuss what was truly behind the fights (our tension about money).

Day 13 is about setting these ground rules, about deciding how you are going to fight. Believe it or not, no matter where you are in your relationship, a fight will occur and it's best to set up some ground rules for fighting. So the assignment is to set up the ground rules both we and me rules for your fight. We are the things you both agree on and me are the things you are going to think about as you are fighting.

The Me list for me

I will keep my voice calm and my words loving.
I will use I feel statements instead of you statements
I will believe the best instead of the worst (this one is really hard for me)
I will pray before embarking on any tense discussion, asking God for the words to use
I will discuss only what is at hand and not bring other information to the table
I will always think Is this worth it?

Fighting is part of of life, it doesn't mean we don't love; it means we are individuals with thoughts of our own. That is part of what makes life so interesting, however, it also leads to fights. In our relationships, we must learn how to deal with conflict, fight with dignity, respect our relationship and know our love is never ending! Sit down, have the conversation and love your spouse wholeheartedly for they were chosen for you by God.

Leaving Your Past Behind

Chapter 2 is all about forgetting your past. Philippians 3:13 starts with Forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead....To forget what is behind, you first have to acknowledge it, then forgive/ask for forgiveness and then forget. A pastor once told me that forgiveness doesn't constitute forgetting. I don't know if I agree, if you haven't forgotten won't it come up in emotional moments when you least expect the reaction. What I mean is if you don't forgive and forget about it then when you disagree with someone there is a chance that the devil will bring it up in a fight and then you are fighting unfairly. So one must acknowledge the transgression and Pray, Pray hard that God will take it out of your mind so you can truly forgive the person involved.

Today I was reading the Purpose Driven Life daily devotional and here is an excerpt on forgiveness:

For your own sake, let go of the past. If somebody hurt you, let go of it, release them. That's one of the values of prayer. It helps you unload. Forgiveness is the only way to get rid of the past. Forgive them and let it go. Get on with life. Forgiveness erases the videotape of that hurt memory that keeps playing over and over in your mind.
In my own marriage, the times I've felt closest to Kay, the times of most intimacy and oneness, have been times after a major blow up. We've worked the thing through, we've both confessed to each other and asked forgiveness, and then we pray together. The oneness that comes out of that kind of experience just can't be explained.
When we let go of our hurts and forgive others, we are reflecting the grace of our heavenly Father who forgave us and continues to forgive us. It means we've given God our love; we've given God our lives, and, in doing that, we worship God.

Even Pastor Warren has to remember how to forgive and forget in Christ. Let go and forget so you can be ready for what Christ has for your purpose in life.

There are many parts to this chapter so I think it will take a few days. Things you should start to think about in this unpacking of your life...what are the pains in your life? what are the tapes going on in your head? what are the negative thoughts and where do you surmise they originated? Tomorrow we will examine our negative thoughts and then ask God to take these away.

Peace and Blessings to you!

The Love Dare - Day 12

Philippians 2:4 ~ Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

What does this mean? Aren't we supposed to keep watch over ourselves? Let's look at it...there are a few words that stand out "merely" and "also". Yes we are supposed to look out for ourselves, protecting our hearts and our relationship with God AND we are supposed to look out for the interest of our spouse. When you are about to engage in a conversation, ask yourself, how do I feel about what I'm about to say? how will my spouse feel about what I'm about to say? If you have a negative reaction in anyway, don't say or do it. So today, when you are speaking, writing or thinking notice your reactions and follow them. Focus on what is good about yourself and your spouse. Let the little stuff slide and sometimes the big stuff too. Let them know it's not worth raising your blood pressure about certain things anymore and the fights will end. Always put God first, your spouse second and you third. It will work out for the best!

Pathway to Purpose Chapter 1

I have been without work since March, 2009. Now don't get me wrong, I have been super busy. When I was laid off from my job of 15 years I believed it was God telling me that the toxic environment that I was in is no longer good for my soul. I believe that God was/is telling me that I need to find His purpose for my life and live it to the fullest in the second half of my career.

Let's go back when I became an administrative assistant it was because I had no other skills. I didn't fall into this position because it was my life's dream, nope, it was because my mother told me since I didn't finish college that I would never amount to anything and I believed her. In my mother's defense, she really believes this and believes that education is the key to success. In some ways she is correct, her motivation skills may need a little work. But I digress, so administration is where I landed for my career. I began supporting a man with goals to be the next CEO of our Fortune 500 company and he did anything to get there. 12 years later he is the CEO of the company and I am no longer supporting him. About a year ago, I couldn't live in the situation anymore. I had changed. I found God and my life took a complete turnabout. Being in retail, your goal is to sell people things they want, things that are sexy but not neccessarily things they need. I stayed there for 5 years after finding God but I couldn't continue to sway people to purchase things they didn't need. I didn't feel right about encouraging debt. I sold most of my things and began a frugal lifestyle (see www.onefinancialday.blogspot.com). After supporting my boss for over 10 years, I had to make a change. However, I didn't trust God enough to change out of the company. I just changed within the company and a year later God kicked me out of the company entirely. A blessing I was totally okay with at the time and still am today.

My husband and I decided this was our sign to move from Minneapolis and head West to Las Vegas. My new husband's house hadn't sold in Las Vegas and his allergies were killing him in Minneapolis so a move was in order. June, 2009 we set out on our trek West and have landed in Las Vegas. After a week here, I realized that my purpose in life revolved around work, friends and church but not around God and what He wants for me to complete in my time here on earth. I had lost touch with the most important person in my life and focused on the least important things (money, job, etc.). As I was putting away my books, I came across the Pathway to Purpose for women book. A light went off in my head, this could hold the answer for me. What is my purpose? What does God want from me?

So I started reading. Chapter One says your pathway isn't always fast and easy, there will be times of boredom and dispair but if you have your ear ready to listen to God, He will use you when it's needed. Chapter One says this journey isn't a 5K, it's a marathon of events that will shape your life. There is a coach out there for you, His name is God and sometimes we need others to show us the lighted path and sometimes our hearts are ready for God to show us. Be open to hearing Him speak through others and by himself. Be available for God to show up and show off. Be open to learning and teaching. You aren't alone in your chaos, God and others are there to help you journey down your pathway to find your purpose, created by God.

Studies

I started this blog because I needed some accountability on two studies and my walk in faith. Come along if you want or if you find something that interests you. I may throw in a few movie reviews along the way but this blog is all about honoring our God. The Creator who gave me life, the good, the bad and the ugly and my faithfulness to all He provides. My goal is to bring my thoughts back on our Heavenly Father and keep my thoughts going in good places. Like that verse in Phillipians, whatever is good, think on these things. That is what I want and sometimes it takes some bad things to come out to continue to think about good things. Praising God through everything. So come along on this journey. I will be taking the 40 Day Commitment of The Love Dare and will be reading Pathway to Purpose for women. All will be God honoring and sharing along the way.

Peace and love to you!