Okay, we have written about our past and the negative thinking...we have given ourselves one day to wallow in the immensity of our sadness and grief. You may need another day or two but I think I'm done...and now it's time to give it all over to God.
Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to rid myself of these negative thoughts. Please help me to understand that I am a masterpiece created by you and for you. That everything that has happened to me has happened with your great and powerful hand covering it knowing that you alone can pull me out of these negative thoughts. Knowing that you alone, can bring me to your peace and guidance. Lord, whenever these thoughts come back into my head, and I know they will over and over, please help me to realize that I just need to turn them over to you and you will wash them away until I fully believe they are gone. Lord, help me to know your purpose for my life and follow your guidance with all I have, am and will be.
Our next step to leaving the past behind is to recall a time that healing occurred in your life. When I think about this I think about how God blessed me over and over with kind and thoughtful people when I was going through my divorce. From the time I set foot in Evergreen Community Church, I found a support group that would be there for me always. I know, even 8 years later, that I could call upon any of the women in my DivorceCare group and they would set down their work to listen to me. God used everyone from this group to heal the wounds of my divorce and to show me that it was that hardship that caused me to gain my life back. So Kathy, Faye, Rachael, Cindy and Dawn, thank you for your support and letting God use you to guide me back into LIFE. With this group of women I was able to listen, learn, laugh, love and enjoy again. They taught me that I am a masterpiece of God's creation and no matter what happened in the past, this is the future He planned for me. In this group I gained my life verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29. 11. This was my time of healing.
What was your time of healing? What helped to guide you along your path to God? What did it feel like?
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Love Dare - Day 14
I think I have to write these dares the day after they are taking place so I can record what happened. The chapter is titled Love Takes Delight. Remember when you first started dating how you couldn't wait for an email, text or call from your spouse. Remember how your heart thudded in your chest, your smile took over your face and you may even have blushed a little when you were talking. That is how delight shows up in the beginning. After a few years, that delight tends to fall by the wayside and life starts happening. You get into schedules, have stress and want to maintain a great life so you nag. Today was about putting all that aside and doing something your spouse wants to do. You are going to start the process of regaining the delight in your spouse by putting their wants first and setting aside something you want. The goal is to purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do to spend quality time wiht your spouse. Just be together.
So I know this sounds dumb but it worked for us. I do the cooking and my DH does the cleaning up. Yesterday he had just arrived home from a three day business trip and wanted to just sit on the couch together after breakfast. So instead of worrying about the dishes going in the dishwasher or the laundry or the workout. We sat on the couch for 45 minutes, sometimes talking, sometimes being still but holding hands, cuddling. It was phenomenal. The dishes got put away, the workout was completed but not until we had taken the time to just "be" together. That is one the of the greatest things about my husband, I can just "be" with him!
Go ahead, take delight in the one you love and you will be blessed!
So I know this sounds dumb but it worked for us. I do the cooking and my DH does the cleaning up. Yesterday he had just arrived home from a three day business trip and wanted to just sit on the couch together after breakfast. So instead of worrying about the dishes going in the dishwasher or the laundry or the workout. We sat on the couch for 45 minutes, sometimes talking, sometimes being still but holding hands, cuddling. It was phenomenal. The dishes got put away, the workout was completed but not until we had taken the time to just "be" together. That is one the of the greatest things about my husband, I can just "be" with him!
Go ahead, take delight in the one you love and you will be blessed!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Unpacking the Past - Write down memories
Starting with a prayer ~
Lord, help to remember the pain in a way that is useful to others and not derrogatory to anyone involved. Lord, help me to remember that everything was done out of love and encouragement not evil in anyway. Lord, give me words to descibe my feelings in a way that is kind and generous.
Okay, unpacking the past part 2...the mission is to write about your pain. There are things in your past that have thrown you off course these are the things we need to unpack, they may be painful or prideful. They are anything you recall that has negative connotations and you replay in your mind.
For me, there are a few moments in my history that come to mind and are replayed in my head, time and time again. As I graduated from high school, I was so glad to be done with school but didn't have the courage to let my parents know that I didn't want to go to college. So I went. To this day I regret not standing up for myself and it shows in so many parts of my life. I don't like to study, I don't like to be told what to do, I don't like doing something that seems inane when I really want to make a difference. So school isn't my forte, however, I found myself at college trying to figure out life. Three years of school had me figure out how to deal with hangovers, how to just get by on my grades to stay there and how to sleep with no regard to time. When my final report card came in stating that I would have to attend summer school to stay in school, my mother went crazy. She was crying and so upset but here are the words that I will never forget..."You will never make anything of yourself without a college degree." These 11 words play back for me over and over again everytime I make a decision that doesn't go as planned.
The second moment in my life that I play is that moment when I found out my husband of 5 years cheated on me. I was at the computer, back when they were new, and an IM popped up from his girlfriend. When I told her who I was, she emitted shock and sorrow. We planned to "get" my husband but in the end I couldn't trap him that way and we had a conversation. He promised never again but 5 years later, same old story. This was a sad day for me and I found that I was second fiddle in his life. Trust went out the window and I thought why am I so guilable and stupid. I'm an idiot to think he would change. This was one of the lowest moments in my life because I had made a decision and trusted and this was the result...not good.
So now the thoughts going through my mind were I won't make anything of myself and I make stupid decisions. I told myself this over and over during my drunken escapades over the next two years. I spend a ton of money and time in a bar, made "friends" there and used my body as a weapon in many cases. I made crazy, stupid mistakes, over and over and over again. With the negative thoughts going through my head, I ended up alone, with chest pains and bill collectors calling me. It was the lowest point in my life and all I could think about was my mother was right, I will amount to nothing.
Then I found Evergreen, God and my life changed. I was able to find someone who will always be there for me and who will always love me. I didn't have to finish college, be out of debt or make all the right choices, my God was there no matter what, it's a promise...He says, "I will never leave or forsake you." He will forgive and forget everything. He will wash away all I have done and start me with a clean slate. Now I just need for Him to take away these negative thoughts that pervade my mind and help me to achieve the pathway to purpose he has set out for me to follow.
What about you? What negative thoughts do you need to set free and give to God? How many times have you done this and how many more are you willing to do it so you can achieve God's glory through your life?
Lord, help to remember the pain in a way that is useful to others and not derrogatory to anyone involved. Lord, help me to remember that everything was done out of love and encouragement not evil in anyway. Lord, give me words to descibe my feelings in a way that is kind and generous.
Okay, unpacking the past part 2...the mission is to write about your pain. There are things in your past that have thrown you off course these are the things we need to unpack, they may be painful or prideful. They are anything you recall that has negative connotations and you replay in your mind.
For me, there are a few moments in my history that come to mind and are replayed in my head, time and time again. As I graduated from high school, I was so glad to be done with school but didn't have the courage to let my parents know that I didn't want to go to college. So I went. To this day I regret not standing up for myself and it shows in so many parts of my life. I don't like to study, I don't like to be told what to do, I don't like doing something that seems inane when I really want to make a difference. So school isn't my forte, however, I found myself at college trying to figure out life. Three years of school had me figure out how to deal with hangovers, how to just get by on my grades to stay there and how to sleep with no regard to time. When my final report card came in stating that I would have to attend summer school to stay in school, my mother went crazy. She was crying and so upset but here are the words that I will never forget..."You will never make anything of yourself without a college degree." These 11 words play back for me over and over again everytime I make a decision that doesn't go as planned.
The second moment in my life that I play is that moment when I found out my husband of 5 years cheated on me. I was at the computer, back when they were new, and an IM popped up from his girlfriend. When I told her who I was, she emitted shock and sorrow. We planned to "get" my husband but in the end I couldn't trap him that way and we had a conversation. He promised never again but 5 years later, same old story. This was a sad day for me and I found that I was second fiddle in his life. Trust went out the window and I thought why am I so guilable and stupid. I'm an idiot to think he would change. This was one of the lowest moments in my life because I had made a decision and trusted and this was the result...not good.
So now the thoughts going through my mind were I won't make anything of myself and I make stupid decisions. I told myself this over and over during my drunken escapades over the next two years. I spend a ton of money and time in a bar, made "friends" there and used my body as a weapon in many cases. I made crazy, stupid mistakes, over and over and over again. With the negative thoughts going through my head, I ended up alone, with chest pains and bill collectors calling me. It was the lowest point in my life and all I could think about was my mother was right, I will amount to nothing.
Then I found Evergreen, God and my life changed. I was able to find someone who will always be there for me and who will always love me. I didn't have to finish college, be out of debt or make all the right choices, my God was there no matter what, it's a promise...He says, "I will never leave or forsake you." He will forgive and forget everything. He will wash away all I have done and start me with a clean slate. Now I just need for Him to take away these negative thoughts that pervade my mind and help me to achieve the pathway to purpose he has set out for me to follow.
What about you? What negative thoughts do you need to set free and give to God? How many times have you done this and how many more are you willing to do it so you can achieve God's glory through your life?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Love Dare - Day 13
It's about fighting and fighting fair. When I got married, we were in the throws of love and excitement. We had a beautiful wedding with family and our closest friends. We enjoyed laughter and love and then we came home. Some say that financial discord in a marriage is the 2nd leading cause to a break up. Well, two weeks after we were settling into life in Minnapolis, that bomb went off. My company announced layoffs. Yes, we were still in the honeymoon stage and money became a top priority for us. We didn't really fight about money but it was a tension that was overriding everything else in our lives. That caused us to fight about the dumb things, the toilet seat, cleaning up after yourself, leaving on lights, how far did you drive the car,etc....Were we fighting fair? Not really because we didn't set the ground rules for fighting and we didn't discuss what was truly behind the fights (our tension about money).
Day 13 is about setting these ground rules, about deciding how you are going to fight. Believe it or not, no matter where you are in your relationship, a fight will occur and it's best to set up some ground rules for fighting. So the assignment is to set up the ground rules both we and me rules for your fight. We are the things you both agree on and me are the things you are going to think about as you are fighting.
The Me list for me
I will keep my voice calm and my words loving.
I will use I feel statements instead of you statements
I will believe the best instead of the worst (this one is really hard for me)
I will pray before embarking on any tense discussion, asking God for the words to use
I will discuss only what is at hand and not bring other information to the table
I will always think Is this worth it?
Fighting is part of of life, it doesn't mean we don't love; it means we are individuals with thoughts of our own. That is part of what makes life so interesting, however, it also leads to fights. In our relationships, we must learn how to deal with conflict, fight with dignity, respect our relationship and know our love is never ending! Sit down, have the conversation and love your spouse wholeheartedly for they were chosen for you by God.
Day 13 is about setting these ground rules, about deciding how you are going to fight. Believe it or not, no matter where you are in your relationship, a fight will occur and it's best to set up some ground rules for fighting. So the assignment is to set up the ground rules both we and me rules for your fight. We are the things you both agree on and me are the things you are going to think about as you are fighting.
The Me list for me
I will keep my voice calm and my words loving.
I will use I feel statements instead of you statements
I will believe the best instead of the worst (this one is really hard for me)
I will pray before embarking on any tense discussion, asking God for the words to use
I will discuss only what is at hand and not bring other information to the table
I will always think Is this worth it?
Fighting is part of of life, it doesn't mean we don't love; it means we are individuals with thoughts of our own. That is part of what makes life so interesting, however, it also leads to fights. In our relationships, we must learn how to deal with conflict, fight with dignity, respect our relationship and know our love is never ending! Sit down, have the conversation and love your spouse wholeheartedly for they were chosen for you by God.
Leaving Your Past Behind
Chapter 2 is all about forgetting your past. Philippians 3:13 starts with Forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead....To forget what is behind, you first have to acknowledge it, then forgive/ask for forgiveness and then forget. A pastor once told me that forgiveness doesn't constitute forgetting. I don't know if I agree, if you haven't forgotten won't it come up in emotional moments when you least expect the reaction. What I mean is if you don't forgive and forget about it then when you disagree with someone there is a chance that the devil will bring it up in a fight and then you are fighting unfairly. So one must acknowledge the transgression and Pray, Pray hard that God will take it out of your mind so you can truly forgive the person involved.
Today I was reading the Purpose Driven Life daily devotional and here is an excerpt on forgiveness:
For your own sake, let go of the past. If somebody hurt you, let go of it, release them. That's one of the values of prayer. It helps you unload. Forgiveness is the only way to get rid of the past. Forgive them and let it go. Get on with life. Forgiveness erases the videotape of that hurt memory that keeps playing over and over in your mind.
In my own marriage, the times I've felt closest to Kay, the times of most intimacy and oneness, have been times after a major blow up. We've worked the thing through, we've both confessed to each other and asked forgiveness, and then we pray together. The oneness that comes out of that kind of experience just can't be explained.
When we let go of our hurts and forgive others, we are reflecting the grace of our heavenly Father who forgave us and continues to forgive us. It means we've given God our love; we've given God our lives, and, in doing that, we worship God.
Even Pastor Warren has to remember how to forgive and forget in Christ. Let go and forget so you can be ready for what Christ has for your purpose in life.
There are many parts to this chapter so I think it will take a few days. Things you should start to think about in this unpacking of your life...what are the pains in your life? what are the tapes going on in your head? what are the negative thoughts and where do you surmise they originated? Tomorrow we will examine our negative thoughts and then ask God to take these away.
Peace and Blessings to you!
Today I was reading the Purpose Driven Life daily devotional and here is an excerpt on forgiveness:
For your own sake, let go of the past. If somebody hurt you, let go of it, release them. That's one of the values of prayer. It helps you unload. Forgiveness is the only way to get rid of the past. Forgive them and let it go. Get on with life. Forgiveness erases the videotape of that hurt memory that keeps playing over and over in your mind.
In my own marriage, the times I've felt closest to Kay, the times of most intimacy and oneness, have been times after a major blow up. We've worked the thing through, we've both confessed to each other and asked forgiveness, and then we pray together. The oneness that comes out of that kind of experience just can't be explained.
When we let go of our hurts and forgive others, we are reflecting the grace of our heavenly Father who forgave us and continues to forgive us. It means we've given God our love; we've given God our lives, and, in doing that, we worship God.
Even Pastor Warren has to remember how to forgive and forget in Christ. Let go and forget so you can be ready for what Christ has for your purpose in life.
There are many parts to this chapter so I think it will take a few days. Things you should start to think about in this unpacking of your life...what are the pains in your life? what are the tapes going on in your head? what are the negative thoughts and where do you surmise they originated? Tomorrow we will examine our negative thoughts and then ask God to take these away.
Peace and Blessings to you!
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Love Dare - Day 12
Philippians 2:4 ~ Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
What does this mean? Aren't we supposed to keep watch over ourselves? Let's look at it...there are a few words that stand out "merely" and "also". Yes we are supposed to look out for ourselves, protecting our hearts and our relationship with God AND we are supposed to look out for the interest of our spouse. When you are about to engage in a conversation, ask yourself, how do I feel about what I'm about to say? how will my spouse feel about what I'm about to say? If you have a negative reaction in anyway, don't say or do it. So today, when you are speaking, writing or thinking notice your reactions and follow them. Focus on what is good about yourself and your spouse. Let the little stuff slide and sometimes the big stuff too. Let them know it's not worth raising your blood pressure about certain things anymore and the fights will end. Always put God first, your spouse second and you third. It will work out for the best!
What does this mean? Aren't we supposed to keep watch over ourselves? Let's look at it...there are a few words that stand out "merely" and "also". Yes we are supposed to look out for ourselves, protecting our hearts and our relationship with God AND we are supposed to look out for the interest of our spouse. When you are about to engage in a conversation, ask yourself, how do I feel about what I'm about to say? how will my spouse feel about what I'm about to say? If you have a negative reaction in anyway, don't say or do it. So today, when you are speaking, writing or thinking notice your reactions and follow them. Focus on what is good about yourself and your spouse. Let the little stuff slide and sometimes the big stuff too. Let them know it's not worth raising your blood pressure about certain things anymore and the fights will end. Always put God first, your spouse second and you third. It will work out for the best!
Pathway to Purpose Chapter 1
I have been without work since March, 2009. Now don't get me wrong, I have been super busy. When I was laid off from my job of 15 years I believed it was God telling me that the toxic environment that I was in is no longer good for my soul. I believe that God was/is telling me that I need to find His purpose for my life and live it to the fullest in the second half of my career.
Let's go back when I became an administrative assistant it was because I had no other skills. I didn't fall into this position because it was my life's dream, nope, it was because my mother told me since I didn't finish college that I would never amount to anything and I believed her. In my mother's defense, she really believes this and believes that education is the key to success. In some ways she is correct, her motivation skills may need a little work. But I digress, so administration is where I landed for my career. I began supporting a man with goals to be the next CEO of our Fortune 500 company and he did anything to get there. 12 years later he is the CEO of the company and I am no longer supporting him. About a year ago, I couldn't live in the situation anymore. I had changed. I found God and my life took a complete turnabout. Being in retail, your goal is to sell people things they want, things that are sexy but not neccessarily things they need. I stayed there for 5 years after finding God but I couldn't continue to sway people to purchase things they didn't need. I didn't feel right about encouraging debt. I sold most of my things and began a frugal lifestyle (see www.onefinancialday.blogspot.com). After supporting my boss for over 10 years, I had to make a change. However, I didn't trust God enough to change out of the company. I just changed within the company and a year later God kicked me out of the company entirely. A blessing I was totally okay with at the time and still am today.
My husband and I decided this was our sign to move from Minneapolis and head West to Las Vegas. My new husband's house hadn't sold in Las Vegas and his allergies were killing him in Minneapolis so a move was in order. June, 2009 we set out on our trek West and have landed in Las Vegas. After a week here, I realized that my purpose in life revolved around work, friends and church but not around God and what He wants for me to complete in my time here on earth. I had lost touch with the most important person in my life and focused on the least important things (money, job, etc.). As I was putting away my books, I came across the Pathway to Purpose for women book. A light went off in my head, this could hold the answer for me. What is my purpose? What does God want from me?
So I started reading. Chapter One says your pathway isn't always fast and easy, there will be times of boredom and dispair but if you have your ear ready to listen to God, He will use you when it's needed. Chapter One says this journey isn't a 5K, it's a marathon of events that will shape your life. There is a coach out there for you, His name is God and sometimes we need others to show us the lighted path and sometimes our hearts are ready for God to show us. Be open to hearing Him speak through others and by himself. Be available for God to show up and show off. Be open to learning and teaching. You aren't alone in your chaos, God and others are there to help you journey down your pathway to find your purpose, created by God.
Let's go back when I became an administrative assistant it was because I had no other skills. I didn't fall into this position because it was my life's dream, nope, it was because my mother told me since I didn't finish college that I would never amount to anything and I believed her. In my mother's defense, she really believes this and believes that education is the key to success. In some ways she is correct, her motivation skills may need a little work. But I digress, so administration is where I landed for my career. I began supporting a man with goals to be the next CEO of our Fortune 500 company and he did anything to get there. 12 years later he is the CEO of the company and I am no longer supporting him. About a year ago, I couldn't live in the situation anymore. I had changed. I found God and my life took a complete turnabout. Being in retail, your goal is to sell people things they want, things that are sexy but not neccessarily things they need. I stayed there for 5 years after finding God but I couldn't continue to sway people to purchase things they didn't need. I didn't feel right about encouraging debt. I sold most of my things and began a frugal lifestyle (see www.onefinancialday.blogspot.com). After supporting my boss for over 10 years, I had to make a change. However, I didn't trust God enough to change out of the company. I just changed within the company and a year later God kicked me out of the company entirely. A blessing I was totally okay with at the time and still am today.
My husband and I decided this was our sign to move from Minneapolis and head West to Las Vegas. My new husband's house hadn't sold in Las Vegas and his allergies were killing him in Minneapolis so a move was in order. June, 2009 we set out on our trek West and have landed in Las Vegas. After a week here, I realized that my purpose in life revolved around work, friends and church but not around God and what He wants for me to complete in my time here on earth. I had lost touch with the most important person in my life and focused on the least important things (money, job, etc.). As I was putting away my books, I came across the Pathway to Purpose for women book. A light went off in my head, this could hold the answer for me. What is my purpose? What does God want from me?
So I started reading. Chapter One says your pathway isn't always fast and easy, there will be times of boredom and dispair but if you have your ear ready to listen to God, He will use you when it's needed. Chapter One says this journey isn't a 5K, it's a marathon of events that will shape your life. There is a coach out there for you, His name is God and sometimes we need others to show us the lighted path and sometimes our hearts are ready for God to show us. Be open to hearing Him speak through others and by himself. Be available for God to show up and show off. Be open to learning and teaching. You aren't alone in your chaos, God and others are there to help you journey down your pathway to find your purpose, created by God.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Studies
I started this blog because I needed some accountability on two studies and my walk in faith. Come along if you want or if you find something that interests you. I may throw in a few movie reviews along the way but this blog is all about honoring our God. The Creator who gave me life, the good, the bad and the ugly and my faithfulness to all He provides. My goal is to bring my thoughts back on our Heavenly Father and keep my thoughts going in good places. Like that verse in Phillipians, whatever is good, think on these things. That is what I want and sometimes it takes some bad things to come out to continue to think about good things. Praising God through everything. So come along on this journey. I will be taking the 40 Day Commitment of The Love Dare and will be reading Pathway to Purpose for women. All will be God honoring and sharing along the way.
Peace and love to you!
Peace and love to you!
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