Testimonial

So I've been avoiding this step in the Pathway to Purpose. You may have noticed a lag in time from posts. It's called procrastination and I had it big time. The next step is to write your testimonial. If you have ever tried to do this, it's definitely difficult. You have to look back on your life and figure out what happened, what changed to make you new again. But then you look at life and figure out where you stumbled and stumbled yet again. For someone like me, a laid back perfectionist, this is difficult. I don't like stumbling, however, I don't think anyone does. I don't like failing again I don't think anyone does but I do like being saved. I do like my Friend, my Comforter, my Healer, MY GOD. So He likes to use parables and stories to teach the bible. I think this is why so many encourage us to write our testimonials down. Your story could be used for the betterment (is that a word) of the Christian community as a whole. So no matter how hard it is, it's time to write down your testimonial. It's time to get it on paper so that you may use it to further the Kingdom in the future. It's time so share your life, go deep and get deeper with it. It's your story of how God became real to you and what he has done afterwards. Try it on for size and let me know how it goes.

Here's my testimonial (warning: this is a long one)

I was raised in a traditional family, mom, dad, brother, sister and me. We ate dinner together every night, we went to the small Episcopalian church in the next town, mom was a school teacher and dad was an accountant. We were the standard, suburianian, middle class family. Everyone in our family was expected to go to college, graduate with a degree and head off to get a great job. Well, I broke that mold. I went to college and thus started my partying degree. I was introduced to Tequila within the first evening of being at school and went a little crazy. Needless to say, I paid the price for this the next day and was introduced to my roommate over getting sick in the trash can. Nice huh? The next three years were pretty much a blur of activity. I partied, pledged a sorority (which I deemed the wrong sorority within a few minutes of being a member), failed at my classes, did everything you weren't supposed to do and finally got kicked out. I will never forget telling my parents that I failed. My mother was beside herself. Her words were "You will never make anything of yourself without a college degree." Those words stuck with me for life and are still affecting my life. Whenever I fail, these words come back to haunt me. Anyways, I moved out and found out that life outside of mom and dad's home was hard. I could barely make ends meet because I didn't have the courage to go after what I truly wanted to do. I sat at the VFW bar many times over crying in my cheap beer. Continuing to be a disappointment to my family.

Then I met Ed. I was set up on a blind date and he was my ticket out. Out of Ohio, away from my parents and into a life that I could create. He lived in Indiana and I moved in with him three months after we met. We were married a year later and spent the next 10 years of my life living with someone I didn't love. After the first three years, we were done, we had purchased a home, worked good jobs, had stuff, two cars and life was meaningless. We tried moving across the country, changing careers, moving closer to family, trying to enjoy life but it all seemed meaningless. The cheating started and finally we both couldn't take it anymore and decided we would be better off separate. 10 years of my life and still those words come back...You will never make something of yourself. Truly, we must always be conscious of the words we speak. I try to think of Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. But I digress. I felt like a failure yet again and turned to the only thing I did well, I drank. I spent thousands of dollars and countless hours racking up bills at bars across the nation. My tolerance level was so high nothing would make me drunk anymore. I couldn't find anything that would make me forget what a failure I was...I slept with people, drank tons, racked up debt and somehow managed to keep my job and stay away from drugs. I believe God was with me during this time too. During one of these drunk escapades, a person I met at the bar told me about this church he attends. He said come with me tomorrow. I promised so I did.

Enter Evergreen Community Church. I met my friend Bob there on a Sunday morning. We walked into a middle school auditorium and I was greeted with a big white grand piano on the stage playing At the Car Wash. I will never forget it. The music, the sheer amount of people, the songs, the laughter, the peaceful feeling. I don't know what the message was but I know that the Holy Spirit started to get a hold of my heart that day. I went every Sunday for about six months before God really go a hold of me. I was living two lives, the drinking and cavorting life 6 days a week and the holy, godly life 1 day a week. On Sundays, I wouldn't drink once I started going to church. I would go to the bar, order coffee and just socialize. That was the beginning of the change in me. Then October 28, 2002, I woke up with the feeling like I couldn't breathe, with the feeling like I was living wrong, with a sick feeling not from drinking but in my soul. That was the day I really heard the message at Evergreen. That was the day I was saved. God changed my heart and my life. I stopped excessive drinking and smoking on that day and never turned back to it. I started to really live my life for God, with him at the helm. And truly my life started.

Since that day, God has worked amazing things in my life. He has shown me that He is the sole leader of everything I do. All I have to do is ask and the door will be opened for me. He has shown me love and used everything I went through for His glory. I joined a group called Tapestry, it was for women going through divorce or separation. From this group I was able to rid myself of my guilt over my divorce and turn it into something good helping children get through divorce (DC4K leader). I participated in many bible studies to learn about my God and how gracious and forgiving He can be. Each of these studies have shed another layer of my hurt, guilt and sadness away. He showed me that giving is better than receiving and that living a simple life is a great way to be successful. He taught me how to be a good steward of the blessings he has bestowed upon me. When I was saved, I was 60K in debt. Currently I have reduced that to 20K and will be debt free soon enough. He has shown me that growing and giving away my heart is the way to being a good steward of love and he has given me the love of my life here on earth with Robb. He has shown me that commitment is hard but worth it every time. And most of all He has shown me that I am somebody even without a college degree. Those words still come back to haunt me from time to time, but I now know that I can turn to God and feel His loving arms around me, comforting me and holding me.

I am truly amazed by God and all He gives me each and everyday. I thank Him for the blessings and the love. He has brought my family back to me, gave me a new life and washed me clean to start over again. He is the most amazing friend I have ever had and will ever have. I'm so very thankful that He brought me into His family and adopted this crazy, stained person as His daughter.