Unpacking the Past - Write down memories

Starting with a prayer ~

Lord, help to remember the pain in a way that is useful to others and not derrogatory to anyone involved. Lord, help me to remember that everything was done out of love and encouragement not evil in anyway. Lord, give me words to descibe my feelings in a way that is kind and generous.

Okay, unpacking the past part 2...the mission is to write about your pain. There are things in your past that have thrown you off course these are the things we need to unpack, they may be painful or prideful. They are anything you recall that has negative connotations and you replay in your mind.

For me, there are a few moments in my history that come to mind and are replayed in my head, time and time again. As I graduated from high school, I was so glad to be done with school but didn't have the courage to let my parents know that I didn't want to go to college. So I went. To this day I regret not standing up for myself and it shows in so many parts of my life. I don't like to study, I don't like to be told what to do, I don't like doing something that seems inane when I really want to make a difference. So school isn't my forte, however, I found myself at college trying to figure out life. Three years of school had me figure out how to deal with hangovers, how to just get by on my grades to stay there and how to sleep with no regard to time. When my final report card came in stating that I would have to attend summer school to stay in school, my mother went crazy. She was crying and so upset but here are the words that I will never forget..."You will never make anything of yourself without a college degree." These 11 words play back for me over and over again everytime I make a decision that doesn't go as planned.

The second moment in my life that I play is that moment when I found out my husband of 5 years cheated on me. I was at the computer, back when they were new, and an IM popped up from his girlfriend. When I told her who I was, she emitted shock and sorrow. We planned to "get" my husband but in the end I couldn't trap him that way and we had a conversation. He promised never again but 5 years later, same old story. This was a sad day for me and I found that I was second fiddle in his life. Trust went out the window and I thought why am I so guilable and stupid. I'm an idiot to think he would change. This was one of the lowest moments in my life because I had made a decision and trusted and this was the result...not good.

So now the thoughts going through my mind were I won't make anything of myself and I make stupid decisions. I told myself this over and over during my drunken escapades over the next two years. I spend a ton of money and time in a bar, made "friends" there and used my body as a weapon in many cases. I made crazy, stupid mistakes, over and over and over again. With the negative thoughts going through my head, I ended up alone, with chest pains and bill collectors calling me. It was the lowest point in my life and all I could think about was my mother was right, I will amount to nothing.

Then I found Evergreen, God and my life changed. I was able to find someone who will always be there for me and who will always love me. I didn't have to finish college, be out of debt or make all the right choices, my God was there no matter what, it's a promise...He says, "I will never leave or forsake you." He will forgive and forget everything. He will wash away all I have done and start me with a clean slate. Now I just need for Him to take away these negative thoughts that pervade my mind and help me to achieve the pathway to purpose he has set out for me to follow.

What about you? What negative thoughts do you need to set free and give to God? How many times have you done this and how many more are you willing to do it so you can achieve God's glory through your life?